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I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 07:22 PM |
But the dream is dead and I'm giving up poker, for potentially a long time, and at the very least a month. I self-excluded myself from Stars for 30 days after an embarrassing tilt-fest that resulted in me losing my bankroll, and I'm no longer willing to deposit.
Am I a good poker player? I believe the answer is yes. But I don't have the emotional maturity to handle the swings of the game, like most successful poker players do. I learned a lot in these first few months of 2008, and I'm glad I learned it now before I lost more money.
I ended up about $2000 in poker this year, which is an accomplishment. But now I'm going to move on to focus on different things, like life, my relationship with my girlfriend, school, the stock market (what's left of it lol), etc.
The fact of the matter is, I'm very obsessive when it comes to my interests, and when I go through loooooooong losing periods in poker, it affects my mood drastically. Because of this, it's been a rough couple months for me. Now that I'm aware that my chances of actually becoming a professional poker player are slim to none, I'm ready to embrace other aspects of life.
I think the most important thing of this little break is to truly convince myself I'm not going to try to become a professional poker player after this. If I can succeed in that, and play the game for fun only, then I might come back and play the OCCASIONAL tournament, like the $3 90 man KO sngs on FullTilt or the occasional $5 MTT. But the money has become too important to me, and I don't like it.
I'm going to TRY to steer clear of poker forums for awhile, but obviously I'm going to have withdrawals and I'll probably be peeking in here, especially in this thread since I'm a huge attention whore. But once again, the most important part of this break for me is to really stave off my addiction to poker. I don't think it can be fun for me until that happens.
You can talk to me on AIM or w/e if you have it, I'm willing to talk... even if it's poker. I'd rather hear from you than not lol.
Also, Nate (Psycosniper): I expect you to continue your success while I'm gone... you have the emotional fortitude to do it. Good luck... and talk to you on AIM/Skype as usual regardless imo.
And good luck to everyone else as well.
- TR
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"I'm not a 'roll' model."
Check out my blog, I'm updating again. http://trulyrand0m.livejournal.com |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 07:49 PM |
See you at the tables in 30 days bra.
I'll be light years ahead of you. But still won't be 18  |
regularly updating my blog again (as of 11/18/08) |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 08:01 PM |
The break is a good idea. Emotion always comes into play though, no matter how old/mature you are.
We've all had our embarassing moments -- Casie (my wife) losing $2,800 in a day -- me betting $50 a hand at a blackjack table (dont think I've ever told anyone that)...
But at the same time, we all show our devotion to the game at times as well (i started with $20 2 months ago and I'm at $163 after 70 hours of playing - a whopping $2 an hour, yay).
Just remember -- you didn't lose your money. You lost someone elses.
Come back with a clear head and a plan when you're ready, and GL with the rest of your life. I took almost 2 years off, and sure enough, I did get some things done and my life is better for it. But, we always come back to the money.. 
-Brad |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 08:09 PM |
| undream for mod imo |
regularly updating my blog again (as of 11/18/08) |
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 SamTim12
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| Joined: 23 Jun 2007 |
| Total Posts: 732 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 08:56 PM |
| TR will be fiending to play on stars in approximately 19 days. |
PSORG Championship 6max, HORSE and Stud 8 Champion
PSORG Championship Season 1 Player of the Year |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 09:41 PM |
| 19 hours actually |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 09:51 PM |
Here's an idea
Stop playing every day |
Teach Me Does Good Pokers Yes? |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-17-2008 11:21 PM |
*Bump*
19 minutes. |
My poker is better than your poker. |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 12:32 AM |
I didn't mention this before but...
I'm not in hopeless shape bankroll-wise, once I get back. I have $100 on Full Tilt (I put it there right before I excluded myself) which I got from a friend I lent $100 to a couple weeks ago, and I also have $200 that a friend from home owes me in PStars money. I also have about $60 left at Stars. That all adds up to $360 or so, plus FPPs.
This is a tough time for me, obviously... but I can focus on some things in life I really need to focus on, like improving my relationship with my girlfriend and school. The hard thing is going to be sitting here on my computer at 12:30 at night, NOT playing poker, because it's been a daily part of my life for like, 2 and a half years straight. |
"I'm not a 'roll' model."
Check out my blog, I'm updating again. http://trulyrand0m.livejournal.com |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 12:59 AM |
I really need to focus on, like improving my relationship with my girlfriend and school
agreed
... and that's meant positively not as a jab... but you're on the right path there |
Teach Me Does Good Pokers Yes? |
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kugo
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| Joined: 17 Feb 2008 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 01:39 AM |
| omg... I watched you go busto. I knew it would happen when u were playing 15/30 w/ only 500 left. It was like a train wreck though... nothing I could do but watch. Well have a good break from poker. This probably means you'll be going to more class this term and playing more Magic. Also, you won't be able to roll me, so I'm out of poker for the time being. |
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Chanzo
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 04:42 AM |
This game can really mess with your head at times, breaks are good, if only I had something else to do with the free time maybe i'd take the occasional one too! Remember, life should come before poker.
Having said that, some food for thought, Sorel Mizzi is on record for saying that in his early days several times he'd run a couple hundred bucks up to 15-20k, then blow it all in a couple days. He seems to be doing ok at this poker game now! |
'Embrace the rebuy' |
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Macio
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 05:00 AM |
TR .. if you ever need some stake you know you run well on my money so I am here for you 
take a break and come back and you will win some more - I am sure of it.
You saying you are upset BUT you are +$2000 this year runing bad latly.
I am -$1400 from play this year where I should be like +$4K ... but even though i am getting very annoyed at poker a lot latly (like yesterday when i guy called my preflop shove wiith AK to hit A vs my JJ for hid 140bbs telling me I was just too agressive for him not to call me shovem, then another pot where I lost 120bbs when i went all in on the flop with set vs bare flush draw and he hit as well - so after what should of been a good wining night i ended up -$20) I still play every day as I like the extra money I can use and even thought i am loosing from play i get it all back in reloads and rakeback and I know I am playing much better then the results show.
so if yo are +$2K for the year you should be more then happy with your results and just expect that you can run bad for a long time.
I have a bad run for around 80k of hands and I though I just suck (well still do but not as much as I used to  , but i checked some articles and there are so wining players out there that did and do have loosing spells o faround 100K of hands.
But I think if your mind set is that you are not good enough then take a break and come back.
I am sure it will help.
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back to the GRIND !!!!!!!!!
NL$100 - running badly as always  |
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JCHSKC
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| Joined: 20 Nov 2007 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 11:35 AM |
TR,
I hope your choice works out for the better, and that if/when you come back, you run good. You are a winning player still regardless. Many thanks for all your contributions on here too, don't go disappearing completely!
SKC. |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 11:56 AM |
This has got to be at least the 3rd "I quit" post I've seen from TR since I've been here... I hate the idea of PSORG without TR, but I just have a feeling he'll be back playing soon enough.
The swings of tournament poker suck... but I really think that if you played closer to standard BR management you wouldn't get quite so worked up every time you hit a rough patch.
I'm a huge baby about busting in tournaments -- it doesn't help that I usually bust more due to getting unlucky than playing bad... I'll sit there and think "WTF I run so insanely bad, why does this shit always happen at the worst possible time". Then I shut down my poker clients and go do something else (marijuana/alcohol/schoolwork etc). The next time I play my previous session hardly matters at all because I'm never risking much of my roll in a single session (especially in tournaments).
Losing that one (or several) tournaments has basically zero effect on my BR, I'd have to go something like 100 tournaments in a row without cashing in order to have a serious adverse affect on my roll.
It's just so much easier to brush off bad runs when you know you're still in good shape for the next tournament -- and you know that even if you lose the next one you're still fine for the next.
Taking shots is fine and all, but consistently playing $20/$30/$50 MTT's on a $1k roll is just madness. Your RoR is super high, and the short term variance will have a huge affect on your roll.
I feel like I'm rambling and you already know all this stuff already... but w/e, the point I'm trying to make is that if you play well within your BR you'll enjoy playing more. Also, grinding cash games is much better for your poker-sanity... especially if you multi-table FR playing 12/10 or whatever. |
Ivey doesnt win money, money wins Ivey. |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 02:20 PM |
During your time off (19 seconds wouldn't surprise me) take a long hard look at your winning and loosing. If you are losing most of your $ in ring, as I suspect, just stay away from them all together. Convince yourself that winning consistantly at what you do best is more important than having "one big day". Just control the variance (in money and emotion) and enjoy. My guess is you would be better off sticking to $5-$20 mtts. Kinda like eeks said:
It's just so much easier to brush off bad runs when you know you're still in good shape for the next tournament -- and you know that even if you lose the next one you're still fine for the next.
Just my .02, I'd stake you at this level anyday
jOKERbLUFF |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 06:11 PM |
| I know how you feel. I have been there. I gave up poker for long periods over the last several years because of tilt. I would suggest if you want to get back into it, go to a B/M and play in a tourney. You can get 5 hours in with limited exposure (you bust out, you loose your buy in, that is it) and get back in the groove. |
Southern California, Poker Capital of the World |
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dachippy
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| Joined: 08 May 2007 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 07:27 PM |
TR, you sound like me. I'm not as good a player, but I played almost every day for two and a half years as well and I finally just got sick of the swings and resigned myself to the fact that I'll likely never be good enough (or able to tolerate the downswings well enough) to become a pro. I'm obsessive about my interests too and I was just spending way too much time on it - I neglected my other hobbies, felt agitated all the time when I was running bad, and worst of all, it was starting to upset my wife (believe me, she had every right to be upset the way I was acting sometimes).
Over a month ago, I posted here that I was quitting for good and I meant it. Well, I fell off the wagon I played one $5 heads up SNG a few days ago (I won!) because I was really missing the game and wanted to play for fun. My feeling about poker now is kinda like my feeling about any other kind of game. I'll play for fun when I feel like it. I'm not going to allow myself to redeposit again, so this forces me to stay within my roll. And I'm not playing cash games anymore - you can sit down in a tourney and play for an hour or two and not lose more than your buy-in, so it can be some nice cheap entertainment.
I feel a lot better since quitting the grind and I'm sure you will too after awhile. When you come back, try to just have fun with it. Yes, try to make some money too, but don't make that the main reason you play because it sucks all the fun out and makes it miserable when things aren't going well.
GL TR. |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-18-2008 11:30 PM |
Hey Random,
Please don't take offense to this, but I've been thinking that *it's about time*. I remember you mentioning in passing a few times your relationship with your girlfriend as well as your school, and I really think you wouldn't have even mentioned them at all if it weren't on your mind that you were doing both of them some sort of damage by playing poker (at least at the emotional level that you have been playing at). I'm happy to see you attend to yourself and that you are clearly drawing the line in the sand and focusing on the things that mean the most in your life. I love poker as much as the next guy on here (hey, we wouldn't be reading all these silly posts if we didn't love it!), but it is crucial to know what is really real in our lives. I'm glad to see you are taking the time to find out what's real to you...and perhaps you have discovered it already.
Here's to your relationship, here's to your schooling, here's to your sanity (hehe), and here's to finding out what's best in life. If you never play another hand of high-stakes poker again, at least you'll know what is most important to you.
Good luck in your search, and maybe we'll see you back here...if we don't, at least we'll know you have your feet on the ground and that you're on the right path.
All my best,
Gray |
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 03:20 AM |
| dude you're young you're good looking, and have a hot girlfriend. I say you take a break from poker and focus on your girlfriend, poker will seem insignificant when you're having fun doing something else |
i have powers |
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bobby7
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| Joined: 05 Apr 2004 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 03:47 AM |
note..please excuse typos or short words i dislocated my right shoulder on the weekend and im in a sling, im not left handed so its annoying.
sad to see TR, obviously i know exact how u feel. u and i both know there are so many donks at 15/30 it can be so tempting. nobody wil tell me 15/30 is all that tough its just moer swingy, i have no doubt that if we each were rolled for it wed bwe raking in thosands a month no prob.
playing pro tho goes beyond the game, u need comfort in your life too, its almost imposs to play high stakes when stressed, hope to see u soon in the future, good luck.
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Macio
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 04:25 AM |
you're good looking
LOL - now that a bit of a lie .... hes damn ugly pet !!! |
back to the GRIND !!!!!!!!!
NL$100 - running badly as always |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 09:52 AM |
First let me say, I'm not a doctor or anything... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express....
TR, after reading most of your posts and some of your blog, and your self confession of being an addict, maybe staying away would be the healthest thing for you. But if and when you do come back, (as I'm quite sure you will) I think it would be very helpful to have some type of boundries set up, ie how many hours a week, limits, ect. Take this time off for some soul searching, and make a plan. The next thing to ask yourself is how are you going to keep yourself within those limits? Can you disipline yourself, do you need some type of accountablity partner, what's it going to take. (tell gf to cut you off if you break the plan, that would work for me) If you can NOT manage yourself, then there lies the problem. We joked at my house that I don't have a problem as long as I'm winning, but that wasn't true, my family suffered when I played 40 hours a week, I was taking it TOO seriously. I've also noticed how manic you can get up and down. You used to be thrilled to win $50, now it takes $1000s, this goes back to the addictive part, you now need more for the "high". I think you've set your expectation way too high. I've heard you say it's not about the money because you don't "need" it right now, but it does make a differance to you, doesn't it? Do you think you can ever do it just for fun/hobby/recreational now at smaller stakes? Good luck to you in what ever you chose.
jOKERbLUFF |
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SamTim12
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| Joined: 23 Jun 2007 |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 11:29 AM |
| I just found a yogurt called Activia that can help. |
PSORG Championship 6max, HORSE and Stud 8 Champion
PSORG Championship Season 1 Player of the Year |
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Re: I don't know how to say this really...
Posted: 03-19-2008 02:44 PM |
Joker, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. And you're right, the money obviously does make a difference... I just got carried away looking for 5 figure cashes as opposed to your standard, run of the mill $500 win. The only way I will ever be able to play this game again successfully is if I am able to regulate myself and force myself to have some discipline.
I really appreciate all the comments, and especially some of the outside observations of my behavior. It's nice to hear it from other people. I think it'll be nice to just focus on life... and relieve a lot of pressure I've put on myself to be successful. I am way too focused on making money for my age, and sometimes it affects not only my mood but my grades/personal life. I'm making an effort to change that.
This isn't the first time I've had a financial implosion like this. It probably won't be the last. This summer I lost quite a bit in the stock market during the subprime mortgage crisis, after having a couple banner years of solid gains. So obviously losing a lot of money is nothing new to me... but the fact is, I CAUSED this. I made the decision to be dumb with my money and my bankroll, and that's what really turned me off.
- TR |
"I'm not a 'roll' model."
Check out my blog, I'm updating again. http://trulyrand0m.livejournal.com |
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